the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
