How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
