Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize