This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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