i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
