also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
