Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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