Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
