Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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