HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
