i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
