my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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