I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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