So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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