I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
