What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
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