i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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