Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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