Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
