The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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