So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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