D3 body, D1 cock
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
