I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
