i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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