So drunk, too bad you don't want this
please come you make the beer taste better
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
