Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
