Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
