I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
