You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
