And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
operation harelip BJ is a go
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
