Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
