Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
