Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
