Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
