Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
