Grow some girl-balls and come out already
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Houston, we have a blender
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
