cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
