I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
