so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
