ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Randomize
