Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
