I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
