we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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