also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
