In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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