someone get that fucking seahorse.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
