I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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