Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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