If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
