i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
