I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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