lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
