the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
