He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
