you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
