I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Alive.
So much puke
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
