so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
