I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
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she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
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Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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