My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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