i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
