Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
