I'm sorry my penis didn't work
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
